Coming soon - I will begin posting a graphic novel I'm calling "Zoidz: Man-thing of Iron" or "Pump: The Adventures of Hairy Zoidberg."
Stand by for a preview.....
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Old Timey Asshat
This specimen you see before you, this wondrous mutant from a long forgotten era, is not to be stared at or mocked.
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Shit Day
I want to take a moment here and tell you why I am better than you. Its not that I pick up heavier shit, embrace physical misery, or have more back hair... It's because of the bad days.
When you have a bad day, you bag it. You give up. You say, "Well fuck it, I didnt sleep well, my wife yelled at me and my dog bit my ass while I was peeing so I guess the gym is pretty much shot today."
Fuck that.
It happens shittrumpet, if every workout was gold medal we'd all be walking around with single digit body fat and forearms that could bend nails. Let's assume for a minute that all our golden days are great, new PRs, totally satisfying lifts and trucking forward on that big excel sheet we measure our progress on. Sure, some golden days are better than others, but every golden day results in progress forward...so let's just assume all progress forward is equal regardless of rate.
Now you have the shit days. The days when your feeler set seems like your 1RM, and you know right then some seriously bad shit is ahead. This is when normal sacks of shit just say fuck it and they do 5x5 with something they know they can get, then go masturbate in the shower and eat a cake. I LOVE THE SHIT DAY. you know why? Because now I've got to think of something that will be absolute hell, and since I am now free from hitting a target, it can be whatever I want so long as I want to die. It's fucking liberating man!
Every time I walk into the garage I've got a plan, warm up then 5 progressively heavier singles...warm up then 5 sets of 3 at 95%, warm up then death set at 80%. The shit day means I get to just fuck around. Last time I did as many 60% squats as I could (32 total) while listening to my main jam, roughly 4 minutes. I wanted to bash my head into the wall to end the pain. Other times I'll just pick some weight that I can really whip around (which is usually 60%) and just do endless sets until I feel so broken down that I find missing joints and tendons laying behind the plate rack as they attempted to escape the misery by leaping from my body.
Most of the time, I feel better after a shit workout than I do after a golden workout. Sure, no new number to put on the white board, but I know I had a mental victory. My body was giving me shit so I just decided to torture it into oblivion so that next time it doesnt try and pull that shit again.
That is why I am better than you. Because you give up, and are weak. Go eat a donut.
When you have a bad day, you bag it. You give up. You say, "Well fuck it, I didnt sleep well, my wife yelled at me and my dog bit my ass while I was peeing so I guess the gym is pretty much shot today."
Fuck that.
It happens shittrumpet, if every workout was gold medal we'd all be walking around with single digit body fat and forearms that could bend nails. Let's assume for a minute that all our golden days are great, new PRs, totally satisfying lifts and trucking forward on that big excel sheet we measure our progress on. Sure, some golden days are better than others, but every golden day results in progress forward...so let's just assume all progress forward is equal regardless of rate.
Now you have the shit days. The days when your feeler set seems like your 1RM, and you know right then some seriously bad shit is ahead. This is when normal sacks of shit just say fuck it and they do 5x5 with something they know they can get, then go masturbate in the shower and eat a cake. I LOVE THE SHIT DAY. you know why? Because now I've got to think of something that will be absolute hell, and since I am now free from hitting a target, it can be whatever I want so long as I want to die. It's fucking liberating man!
Every time I walk into the garage I've got a plan, warm up then 5 progressively heavier singles...warm up then 5 sets of 3 at 95%, warm up then death set at 80%. The shit day means I get to just fuck around. Last time I did as many 60% squats as I could (32 total) while listening to my main jam, roughly 4 minutes. I wanted to bash my head into the wall to end the pain. Other times I'll just pick some weight that I can really whip around (which is usually 60%) and just do endless sets until I feel so broken down that I find missing joints and tendons laying behind the plate rack as they attempted to escape the misery by leaping from my body.
Most of the time, I feel better after a shit workout than I do after a golden workout. Sure, no new number to put on the white board, but I know I had a mental victory. My body was giving me shit so I just decided to torture it into oblivion so that next time it doesnt try and pull that shit again.
That is why I am better than you. Because you give up, and are weak. Go eat a donut.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
A big ol' package
Gather 'round children....Soon creepy Uncle Zoidberg and I will tell you a story so incredibly epic you will want to vomit the dissolved remnants of your blown mind into your shoes. The story starts like this....
Many years ago, on a Friday - specifically this Friday, August 27th...a package arrived at the doorstep of Deadlift Garage....It's contents will shake you to your very weak and flabby core.
Stay tuned friends. Updates tomorrow on the beautiful/horrible package, as well as a detailed description of what not to do with power tools. Also, perhaps Creepy Uncle Zoidberg will put his pants back on.
Many years ago, on a Friday - specifically this Friday, August 27th...a package arrived at the doorstep of Deadlift Garage....It's contents will shake you to your very weak and flabby core.
Stay tuned friends. Updates tomorrow on the beautiful/horrible package, as well as a detailed description of what not to do with power tools. Also, perhaps Creepy Uncle Zoidberg will put his pants back on.
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