For the 11%

225 years ago, some drunk with two first names, Sam Nick, got real faced in a bar and decided it would be a great idea recruit a bunch of dudes that were better at fighting and drinking than sailors. He wanted these men to be of salty character, but with more tattoos and wanton desire to choke people out.  Figuring the best place to handle this sort of thing was at a bar, he started recruiting at a local shithole called Tun Tavern, Old English for Keg Bar. Unfortunately you can’t go to this place now because it was burned down in a fire and paved over by I-95.

Once Sam Nick had enough vagrants, criminals, and all-together Continental hard asses, he piled these fuckers into two boats commanded by a capital weirdo called Esek Hopkins, a pirate who was so bad at sailing that his only venture into slave trading ending with over 60% of the people on board dead.

With Esek in command, Sam Nick took his band of ingrates to lead a healthy invasion of the extremely fortified and well stocked British Nightmare Base at Nassau Bahamas.

Just kidding, Sam Nick just wanted to score some cheap rum and bang hookers, the base wasn’t even garrisoned, so the Marines captured the British encampment without a fight.

After the horrendous conflict and bloody battle in the Caribbean, the Marines decided to take a 15 year break to get more sweet tats and choke some more people out.

And that my friends, is the history of the Marine Corps.

This just in...

 Dumbass Eats Donuts and Loses Weight

And in a completely unrelated story, person B reduced his calories by the same amount, ate only meat and vegetables, and lost twice as much. The problem with this story isn't that a whole bunch of people are going to read this as "eating junk food is OK," they're going to read the tired bullshit that "calories in calories out" is the only salient maxim of weight loss. Sure, he lost weight. If I don't eat anything for 7 days, I'll lose 20 lbs. If I binge and purge, I'll lose weight. If I eat carriage bolts and hex nuts I'll lose weight. It's easy to lose weight, the argument they are attempting to make is that it is only mildly questionable that this d-bag is probably not healthy. Of course he isn't fucking healthy! he ingested nothing but trans fat and HFCS for 2 and half months! Oh but his bodyweight and LDL dropped too, he must be healthy! What about the fact that this fucktard probably didnt sleep a whole night through for 10 weeks? or that he probably dropped 2/3rds lean muscle because he ate about as much protein as an 8 year old girl? He probably spent his days in an insulin induced zombieland of pre-onset diabetes and wildly fluctuating GI levels. God help him. I hope he does it for another 10 weeks then promptly keels over with his perfect cholesterol levels.