On Crossfit

Interviewer: "Based on the experience of friends doing the Crossfit program, I have heard many reports of new PR's and other feats of strength in specific lifts. This happens despite the fact that the particular lift only comes up on an occasional basis. This completely flies in the face of conventional training wisdom, so I must ask: how is this possible?!"

Glassman, founder of crossfit: "If you come to us with a 4-minute mile, six months into it you are going to be 30 seconds slower but a whole hell of a lot fitter. Similarly, if you come to us with a 900-pound squat, in six months it's going to be 750 pounds, but you, too, will be much fitter. A 4-minute mile and a 900-pound squat are both clear and compelling evidence of a lack of balance in your program. This doesn't reflect the limitations of our program but the inherent nature of flesh and blood.

But here's the fascinating part. We can take you from a 200 pound max deadlift to a 500-750 pound max deadlift in two years while only pulling max singles four or five times a year. We will though work the deadlift, like most lifts, approximately once per week at higher reps and under grueling conditions. It may intuit well that if you can pull a 250 pound deadlift 21 times coming to the lift at a heart rate of 180 beats per minute, then 500 pounds for a single at a resting heart rate is perhaps manageable."

What? This is just a fucking lie, there is no way high volume on deadlift produces superior one rep maxes. There isn’t a single honest powerlifter, Olympic lifter, or even bodybuilder that trains that way. They are apples and oranges, you train completely different muscle fibers lifting your 20 rep max than you do training your 1RM. Hey, I can squat 315 20 times (almost) so therefore it stands to reason that my 1RM is 630, right? Fucking wrong. Second, what kind of spread is 500-750? At what bodyweight? Getting to a 750lb deadlift in 2 years in the 181lb weight class from UNTRAINED is going to be virtually impossible. If it were possible, it certainly wouldn’t happen from endless sets of 20 with 225 on DL. 

Also, define "a whole lot fitter." If I lost 150 lbs from my squat just to take my mile time from 9 minutes to 8 minutes, congratulations, I am fitter. I'm also no longer an elite powerlifter, and still a pretty slow runner. What is it with crossfit's obsession with balance? WTF do I care to be mediocre in all things, or sacrifice being truly amazing in one thing to improve marginal ability in other tasks? What's more impressive, the guy that comes up to you and says he can bench 500 RAW, but can barely eke out a mile in 10 minutes, or the guy that comes up to you and says he can bench 315 RAW but can crank an 8 minute mile. THE BIG DUDE! As long as he isn't a mountain of lard, who cares how fast they run? They're Fucking awesome!

How about a whip thin 180lb dude with an 800 dead, but the poor dude doesn’t know how to swim. But here comes Mr. Crossfit D-bag who can swim a 1/2 mile, run 10 miles in 75 minutes, and bench press 225lbs. Oooh, I am so impressed with your solidly OK performance in all tasks. Should you ever be called upon to do some sort of cross country retard fest, you shall surely succ... "BUT OH GOD, MY SON IS TRAPPED UNDER MY CAR, QUICK! GIANT MAN WITH THE AWESOME DEADLIFT, SAVE HIS LIFE!" Women and riches are heaped upon him. Crossfit guy hangs himself.